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Posts Tagged ‘how to deal with toxic people’

STOP THE INCOMING WORDS FLOW: PLUG YOUR EARS OR SHUT OFF YOUR BRAIN

Posted by dokidok on October 27, 2008

One word is enough to ruin your day. One sentence is enough to screw up the whole year. How is that possible? They say, everything is in your head. Is it true? Yes, it is. You make yourself sad, unhappy, useless, stupid, fat, ugly, looser, the list is countless. Most of the time you make the choice how you feel, based on the words other people say to you. Why? Because humans are built in this way. The humans need constant approval from other humans. They also need to feel important by having better job, bigger house, new car, nice looking girlfriend, etc. So, what is the first step you can take in order to keep your internal comfort. The first thing you can do is to stop the flow of negative and useless words to your brain. You don’t need them. There are three ways:

1. Avoid the non-approvals, toxic and negative people in your life. If you cannot avoid them completely, depends on the situation you can make the toxic person feel unsecure or learn how to shut off your brain.

2. Plug your ears, which can be achieved by buying ear plugs, headphones, and many other devices to muffle the incoming words. I don’t recommend this way. It is easy, but cannot be used in all situations.

3. Learn how to ignore the words that generate negative thoughts in your brain. Even if you hear them, don’t let them proceed to your nerve synapses and to pass the impulse to another neuron. Execute the negative thought instantaneously. I call that technique “shut off your brain”. The brain is not plugged in. No wire, no problems. There are three simple steps how to shut off your brain.

  • 3.1. When you here that negative words right away start thinking about something different: your vacation, the new song you like, your dog, last party, in other words anything that comes to your mind, that will distract your brain from the words just said. The new picture that your bring to your brain will replace eventually the thoughts generated by the negative words. It works, trust me.
  • 3.2. If it is too late for that, prepare yourself with a good mantra. For example: “I am happy person and I like myself”, or “No matter what people say I know who I am”. You can use anything, even non sense mantras like: “The sky is blue, the grass is green, and I am a happy penguin”. By repeating the mantra you keep your brain in a constant positive state, and by doing that you protect yourself from any new information coming in.
  • 3.3. If the situation is really out of control, leave as fast as you can. You don’t need to be exposed to negative words for long time, especially if you are not experience yet. You will have another situation to practice again. Toxic people are part of live. You gotta learn how to deal with them.

Posted in how to (ht), stay positive (sp) | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

AVOID NON-APPROVALS, YOU DON’T NEED THEM

Posted by dokidok on July 5, 2008

Humans nature is so masochistic sometimes. We tend to keep looking for approval and when we don’t get it, we feel unhappy. Interestingly we care of the opinion of people who don’t care about us. If they don’t care about us, why we have to care about their opinion, toxic behavior and disapproval. Here it is what you can do:

1. Avoid contact with them as much as you can. If you are not directly related to these people, completely stop the communication. If you are related somehow (e.g. relatives, co-students, co-workers) limit the communication to minimum. If there is no way and you need to talk to them, focus the conversation on the professional topic you want to discuss. Don’t tell them anything about your personal life and don’t ask them what’s happening in their life. You don’t care about them. Period.

2. Don’t let them trick you again. These people are pre-programed. They always do and say the same things. They also make you upset in the same way. They even don’t know they do that to you. Actually, to be more precise, you do it to yourself. You make the choice to talk to them, and you let yourself feeling stupid and miserable, because you didn’t get again someones approval. Who is this someone? Is that person important to you? If the answer is no, this person is NO-body. Don’t feel down only because NO-body says something to you or didn’t agree with you. Toss’em out! Just like this, the same way you toss out something you don’t need in your life.

3. If they become really aggressive and try to offend you the best strategy is to step back. It is not a looser strategy. Don’t worry. Say to them that you are busy and really need to do something and leave with dignity. Next time avoid them as much as you can and pretend that they are invisible to you.

Posted in how to (ht) | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »